Home Registered Options
ImagerZone
   Login or Register
 
Thursday, August 22, 2019  
HomeForumsMy Account
 
Forums › General › Off Topic › Love the Irish
 
Welcome to The ImagerZone!

Enjoy additional features and benefits at the ImagerZone when you register. It's simple to do. So register today, bookmark for tomorrow!

To register, click HERE.

And if you are a vendor, we have many advertising opportunities for you to reach the thousands of people that visit the ImagerZone. Contact us HERE to discuss what options work best for you.

Thank you and enjoy the site!

(This message disappears when logged in.)
The $99 signup fee to become a Premium Member has been removed! READ MORE

Love the Irish

Post new topic Reply to topic Printer Friendly Page
View previous topic :: View next topic
Author
Message
Andecom

Joined: Jan 25, 2007
Posts: 462
Karma: +9

250+ Posts
250+ Posts

Location:


Peru
Lima


Post Love the Irish
Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 09:16 PM
Reply with quote

Love The Irish


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'


Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'



An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'


Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'


Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.



Enjoy

José Robles

Back to top
View user's profile



Want to see the replies to this post? Become a registered member today. It's simple to do.

To register, click HERE.

And if you are a vendor, we have many advertising opportunities for you to reach the thousands of people that visit the ImagerZone. Contact us HERE to discuss what options work best for you.

Thank you and enjoy the site!

(This message disappears when logged in.)
View previous topic :: View next topic
Post new topic Reply to topic Printer Friendly Page
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum

User Info

Welcome Anonymous

Username
Password
(Register)
 
Forgot your Password?

The logos and trademarks used on this site are the property of their respective owners
We are not responsible for comments posted by our users. By using this site, you agree to the TERMS AND CONDITIONS
Privacy Policy